Hello, I am Rebecca Jackson, self-proclaimed as, The Dazzling Domestic Dreamer. If you read “Who is The Dazzling Domestic Dreamer? Part One” then you already know that I gave myself this title when I decided to relaunch this blog after a brief hiatus from blogging shortly after I first began this experiment as a virtual diary of sorts and to attempt to increase the frequency of my writing as a hobby overall. I am in the middle of my 35th year on this planet (as of the writing of this post) and I am the mother of four very busy young ladies, ranging from 16 down to 3. This is “Post Two” of a three-part blog series that I will be posting across the next few weeks, to introduce myself and my Dazzling Domestic Dreamer lifestyle and mentality. In “Part One” I explained how my journey started and where the Domestic came from in “The Dazzling Domestic Dreamer” and today we will tackle the Dazzling part of me and my title. We will start at the beginning of my title but smack dab in the middle of my story, or God’s story as I will properly credit. So let’s jump in where we left off, at the end of Part One of “Who is The Dazzling Domestic Dreamer?”
First, let’s start with the definition of dazzling. I pulled this definition, like the domestic definition, from Google and Webster’s Dictionary definitions and compiled the two together to cover the basics of what I think of when my mind goes to the word Dazzling…
I explained in “Part One” how I jumped into “adulting” head first almost immediately after I graduated from high school, and bypassed my personal dreams to begin a domestic life with the man that is now my husband. I became a stay at home mom after working fulltime for eight years just before my third daughter was born. My favorite part about having a full-time job out of the house was having the excuse to get dressed up for work, doing my hair and makeup on the regular and leaving the house to accomplish a series of tasks that my children didn’t undo immediately after I completed them. I loved being a stay at home mom, but I missed that.
Maybe she’s born with it…
From a very early age, I was always a little bit extra. The details don’t get overlooked by me and my outfits were always coordinated down to the accessories. Everything I did before being outnumbered by little girls was thought through down to the nitty-gritty details, from picking an outfit, to planning a dinner and every other reason to celebrate in between. I also love color, glitter, sparkles and all around anything that dazzles. To me, losing my dazzle was like losing the spark in my spirit and my reason to shine proudly. The old me felt incapable of keeping up with the details and the day to day as I settled into the stay at home mom life, living in my little house full of my creative, energetic princesses, all things Disney and girl stuff upon girl stuff. I was surrounded by the dazzle I had instilled in my daughters, but being suffocated out of my own dazzle by theirs at the very same time.
Dazzling to Frazzled…
As I struggled with the reality that my dazzle had turned into frazzled I became desperate to figure out what was wrong with me and how to fix it. I started with the medical side of things first. I followed up with my lady doctor and began talking through some of my aforementioned PPD & PPA concerns for the first time and we discussed ways to prioritize myself back into my schedule. I also followed up with my primary care and discussed some medication options to begin regulating my anxiety and then I had blood work done to ensure everything else was doing fine. I will say, I was a little disappointed when my bloodwork came back all clear, I was kind of hoping any problem would be an answer that they could give me medicine to regulate. Back to the drawing board. I attempted to begin implementing some of the self -care routine ideas that I had discussed with my lady doctor and started working on finding my mental zen.
Step two for me finding my dazzle was to proactively work towards finding my mental zen and a balance for those overwhelming and often times anxiety-ridden negative thoughts. I took a big leap outside my introverted tendencies and began tapping into my church community and getting connected in some of the women’s and children’s ministries. I joined a woman’s book study group hosted weekly at our church and I began making a point of putting personal bible study and devotion reading into my day whenever I could sneak it in. To fill the void between reading times, which sometimes still wound up being days apart (I was getting better at it, but sometimes still found prioritizing my time difficult), I lined the walls and door frames of my home with scripture and positive messages. From framed verses and home decor items to wall decals, self-printed computer designed verses, and even scratch note papers and post-it notes, in the kitchen, living room, bedrooms, office space, not even my van was excluded. I filled my world with as much truth for my mind and heart to linger on as I could. We began playing praise & worship music while we cleaned, did chores and just enjoyed each other’s company as well.
Tapping Into Your Joy Spring…
After beginning some great practices to help me find and prioritize my mental zen, I began to find it easier for me to live in the moment again, focusing less on the things I couldn’t change about our circumstances and more on the reasons I had to be blessed. The many reasons to be blessed that I had accidentally stored in the closet of my mind behind all of the trials and tribulations we had been enduring for what seemed to be too many seasons in a row. Step three to finding my dazzle was to remember to tap into my Joy Spring more regularly. Part of this was also finding joy in choosing my wellbeing daily and I began to look for new healthier practices to implement in our lives and through healthier, more natural dietary options and an increase in physical activity I began to shed some extra pounds that had stuck around after my third baby. Since she was a toddler by then, I felt it was time to finally get my figure and personal satisfaction back on point so that I could begin to improve on my self-confidence too, which became step four. With an increase in energy, thanks to a healthier lifestyle encouraging some reduced pounds, and an improved mental zen, I was starting to feel my dazzle coming back. My Joy spring was flowing again and I was able to tackle parenting like an adventure I could partake in instead of a battle I was desperate to survive.
I struggle with being in the moment as a result of my habit of focusing on the details, and always trying to anticipate the next thing. Being in control of my mental zen and physical fitness always helps me balance that, I do strongly believe having a handle on the details is a necessary part of managing a home and a family but you can’t get so caught up in those details that you forget to take care of yourself or forget to be in the moment with your loved ones. When I find myself getting too overwhelmed by the necessary details of life I try to tap into my joy spring by meditating in my blessings and putting my headspace back on track. This is a practice I am still trying to perfect, but I notice a positive impact in my days and weeks when I make time to get my blessings in the forefront of my thinking.
Just when we think we have out trials under control,
Life is good at throwing curveballs, and my life is no exception. As I discussed in “Part One”, right as I was getting a handle on my frazzled dazzle, we took one last chance at another baby. After losing both of my husband’s last living grandparents, 5 days apart, a few years earlier, we lost the patriarch of my mother’s family, my last living grandfather. We began discussing family legacies and we felt God prompting us in this topic in many areas of our life, with little God Winks and God-instances.
“I strongly believe there are no coincidences, only God-instances. God has a plan, a redemptive power, and a love for you ensuring His will for your life is NOT to harm. Good things don’t just happen because, bad things don’t just happen for no reason (as hard as this fact is to grasp), and coincidences don’t really exist. If it happened, in a brief or highly unlikely matter, or if it seems like you can’t get away from something, you can bet God’s hand is in it my friends!”
The Dazzling Domestic Dreamer
I, despite my hormonal and emotional rollercoaster through three pregnancies, had not let go of my hearts yearning for one last baby. My husband, the realist of our relationship, had his heart and home full of little ladies already and was perfectly content in our family. Through our season of legacy talks, we came to the decision that one more “try” would give God the chance to move his hand in our family’s legacy if He had more to do. Enter baby girl #4, my dazzle started to deteriorate again under the pressure of increasing responsibilities and continued hormonal and emotional rollercoasters. We didn’t delay at trying to rectify the issues that were creeping up and trying to rear their ugly little heads. I leaned into my faith and began putting in practice many of my devotional, mental zen, physical fitness, well-being and self-confidence building practices.
Be Dazzling Deep Down and Shine…
Re-inventing my blogging attempt entered at this season of my life and I was hearing God in my heart telling me that I would benefit in more ways than I could begin to imagine if I trusted Him, stopped trying to do anything else and finally started to focus on my writing with real focus and intensity, the way I had focused my energy in to my family and domestic duties for over a decade now. Not to imply that I could just snap my fingers and be done with those responsibilities (I can’t afford a staff or anything), but He was telling me that I was allowed to put my own personal growth on one of the front burners of my life, because not only would I, but my family, would benefit from it. I wore most of the hats in our house up to this point because when I entered stay at home mom living, I felt compelled to manage all the things, like ALL THE THINGS. If it needed to be done in our house, I felt obligated to be the one to do it because I was the non-working adult in the house and if I wasn’t bringing in a paycheck then I would earn my worth otherways. Boy, was that misguided thinking huh? A trap I had let Satan trick me into. God had my back though and He was reminding me again, continually, that I was allowed to just sit at His feet and not focus on all the tasks, all the time. I could not just ask, but expect some of the other capable people, my husband, and my older children, to help with some of the tasks that I had always just handled despite them being capable. I needed to share the load to leave time for me to shine.
In this lesson, He was teaching me that I tap into my absolute best mental health when I nurture my writing. For some it is being in the outdoors, like my husband, for some, it is dancing or running or making music. For me, it is writing, but that is something that is hard for a busy person who is overstressed to squeeze in, hence the vicious cycle that quickly develops when I let this hobby slip by the wayside. God was urging me to write, He was instilling a diligence to re-inventing my blog and with it all, He wanted to remind me to not just find my Dazzle again, but to own it as a piece of who I was. To not just be Dazzling again but to Shine in it and trust Him with the details. With my dazzling spark reigniting thanks to my Savior’s redemptive love, I knew that the dazzling me needed to shine through my blog.
Like I explained in “Part One”, moments after setting off on this task of branding brainstorming, to re-invent my blog, He planted the perfect 3 words in my head and the new name IMMEDIATELY felt right. Knowing that my “Domestic” life and housewife tendencies will always play a big role in who I am and who I have become through the experiences I have, the challenges I have faced and the creativity I enjoy and am always being asked to share as a woman, I decided to use my blog to celebrate me and my particular brand of mothering, wife-ing, and altogether personal dazzling from a modern day domestic woman’s POV. With a dose of “Dazzling” I set off on my mission, to share those experiences, challenges, and ideas with other women, other boss lady business owners, other moms, other modern-day domestic women and other creative young women with a dream and no direction like I once was. Thus,
The Dazzling Domestic Dreamer
I thrived in my renewed blogging adventure until tragedy struck, (read about that HERE )
…and just as we were ready to shake past that heartbreaking season we found ourselves in, tragedy struck again a month later. (read about that HERE ) We powered through and work through our grief challenges still daily as we have navigated a series of other deaths close to us since and I pushed forward to stay on my mission to grow my Dazzle, through the last year and a half I have remained focused on living and sharing my Dazzling Domestic Dreamer Mission.
Now that I found the dazzling side of me again and I am proactively keeping it in the forefront of what defines me, I am on a mission to share my journey with other women so they can find their dazzling selves. I strongly believe the key to keeping your dazzle is to keep growing yourself. Sitting in settled and stagnant is the beginning of losing your shine. We as women are only as good as we thrive to be and if we settle for stagnant we are not growing and learning. Spend more time meditating over your blessings, improving you, and chasing your dreams because God made you for a purpose and if you are just existing you aren’t going to achieve His purpose for you. God makes the biggest things happen for you when you trust in Him enough to step outside of your comfort zone. Those Mommas among us, you need to remember you will only be a Momma in the trenches of mothering young dependent children for so long, and they will thrive better in this journey with a mom who is thriving and shining instead of surviving. That’s what this blogging and writing journey is for me, a giant leap outside of my comfort zones. The groundwork for my purpose beyond mothering.
Never Stop Believing and Dreaming
With my blogging adventure well under way now a few years later, past some start-up hiccups, it has become fun for me to see how BIG God can work when you trust in His plans and set out to Shine outside of your comfort zone for Him. I still have daily doubts and fears, but when I faithfully step out in obedience, for Him, it is exciting to see the rewards begin to roll in. Though I am not earning any financial rewards for my blogging work (yet), I don’t feel bad about it because He is showing me my worth in other ways and the climb to any kind of success is always gradual. He is faithful to give me little reminders and rewards along my journey to serve as silent confirmations that I am on track. As I build my brand and begin to explore my social media reach for the purposes of shining as brightly as God has planned, it is so fun to see feedback and interactions with my posts and my writing. New followers from places I could only hope to travel, including other entrepreneurs, other women, other boss lady business owners (including one of my FAVORITE Real Housewive’s Of Dallas!!!), other moms, other modern-day domestic women and other creative young women with a dream and maybe a little more direction that I once had. People stepping out in faith on their own Dazzling Journey, and the fact that they show interest and appreciation in my work and my journey is so humbling and acts as constant reminders to me that God has a plan for this journey and my family.
Thanks for reading, and remember to embrace the Dazzling YOU, it can help you discover you and keep your self-worth in focus, but don’t live it so loyally that you become a self-absorbed drain on your family, rather just enough to have the confidence to Shine in your life to benefit yourself and those you love. I hope you stop back to read the final part of this blog series. “Part Three” will finish this story and explain the Dreamer in me and my The Dazzling Domestic Dreamer title. For now, go forth and be Dazzling! Shine for your Savior!